COLD POISON 



A DUOLOGUE 



By 
HAROLD WHITAKER 



Copyright, 191 3, by Samuel French, Ltd 



New York i 

SAMUEL FRENCH 
Publisher 
28-30 WEST 38TH STREET 



London 

SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd 

26 Southampton Street 

STRAND 



g)CLD 



35018 



COLD POISON 

Produced at the Palladium, London, June, 191 1 
with the following cast: — 

He . . Mr. Kenneth Doii'^las. 

She . . Miss Grace Lane. 



The Fee for each and every representation of this* 
play by Amateurs is Ten ShiUings and Sixpence, 
payable in advance to — 

Messrs. Samuel French, Ltd., 

26, Southampton Street, 

Strand, London, 

or their authorized representatives. 

No performance may be given unless a written 
permission has first been obtained. 

All the costumes, wigs, and properties used in the 
performance of plays contained in French's list may 
be hired or purchased reasonably from Messrs. 
Charles H. Fox, Ltd., 27, Wellington Street, Strand, 
London. 



COLD POISON 



Scene. — A prettily furnished morning-room ; occa- 
sional tables, chairs, flowers, books, a large armchair 
by fireplace, r. door l.v.e. A young lady dis- 
covered reading. A bell is heard rung violently once, 
twice. She goes to window, looks out, returns to her 
chair with a look of exasperation, seizes book, sits 
down and pretends to read. A door bangs. 

(Enter a young man ivith an excited demeanour. He 
almost slams the door, strides fonvard and folds his 
arms.) 

He. I have come for my answer. 

She (quite placidly). Didn't you get it ? How 
careless of the post I I wrote to you yesterday to 
say that though I fully appreciated 

He (reading from letter). The honour I was paying 
you, which you considered the highest compliment a 
man can pay a woman, you deeply regretted that you 
must decline. You also said something about sisterly 
regard, and added a hope that in the days to come I 
might meet some good woman who — and all the rest 
of it. Yes, I received that letter. Childish ! Child- 
ish ! (Tears up letter.) 

She. Really, I considered it quite the usual letter 
to write under the circumstances. 

He. What has the usual letter to do with these 
quite unusual circumstances ? You know — you must 
know — I have mentioned it frequently (she sighs 



COLD POISON. 

audibly) that I love you in an entirely different man- 
ner from that in which any other man has ever loved \ 
any other woman. 

She. I believe it has been mathematically proved 
that all the possible methods of loving have been 
worked out long ago. 

He. I absolutely decline to put the tenderest and 
most beautiful of human emotions to a mathematical 
test. Love soars above the propositions of Euclid 
and sweeps away mere algebraical equations. These 
are not matters for the head, but for the heart, and 

1 am perfectly certain that your heart did not dictate 
to you that letter. No, I refuse to accept these con- 
ventional shibboleths as your answer. I dechne to 
think that you have taken the proposal properly into 
consideration — that you have seriously weighed the 
advantages. I do not pretend to good looks, social 
position, or mere riches, and I should be deceiving 
you if I suggested that I was willing to work to ac- 
quire any of these things, but — but — I have a deep — 
an overpowering passion, and that I lay at your feet. 

She. Believe me, that that has not escaped me, 
and I may say that to me a deep and overpowering 
passion is something in the nature of a w^hite elephant. 

He (shocked). You regard the love that I am ready 
to bestow upon you as a white elephant, and you 
decline to let it nestle in your heart ? I am to under- 
stand that ? . . . Very well, I have your answer. 
Now take mine. You are feminine enough to add a 
postscript to your letter in which you say, " When 
will you be sensible ? " {Turning away, fumbles 
with two small bottles — obviously from their green colour 
and orange label, poison bottles— which he takes half 
out of his pocket, chooses one, which he holds before her 
eyes dramatically. She, by peering round, has been 
able to see that there are two bottles.) This is my answer. 

She. Well, what is it? 

He. Take it. Observe the green bottle and 'the 
orange label in accordance with the Statute in that 



COLD POISON. 7 

behalf. Smell it, feel it, taste it, put it to any test 
you please. It is poison. 

She. But I don't want any poison. I am quite 
well. 

He. It is laudanum. 

She. I don't want any laudanum. I sleep 
perfectly. 

He (bitterly). So I should imagine. But do not 
fear for yourself. It is not for you. It is for me. 
It is to make me sensible. 

She. But I thought laudanum made one insensi- 
ble. 

He. I am sorry to see that you think the present 
moment a fit one for jesting. Give me the draught. 

She. There isn't much of it. 

He. It was all that I could get, and that with 
great difiiculty. The chemist round the corner is 
under the illusion that I am about to poison a favour- 
ite cat. 

She {putting bottle on table). If that is an allusion 
jto me 

{Gets up, goes towards door ttnth mock indignation. ) 

He. Pshaw ! I will not have this matter treated 
with levity. It's — it's bad taste. A hfe's tragedy is 
enacted before you, and what do you care ? But. 
mark my words, when it is too late, when the inevit- 
able die is drunk — I mean cast — you'll laugh the 
other side of your face — you'll — dash it — farewell ! 
(Sees that he is getting ridiculous, drinks and throws 
bottle on the floor.) 

She. What an idiotic thing to do ! 

He. It is not an idiotic thing to do. You wilfully 
misunderstand the situation. ... This is what our 
lively neighbours call a crime passionelle ! (fitting 
in armchair by fireplace.) Here I shall sit until a 
delicious languor steals over me, weighing down my 
eye-lids with its leaden fingers. 



8 COLD POISON. 

She. Oh, you won't twist into coils ? 
He. The effect of laudanum is not to twist one 
into coils. A deadly languor will fasten on me, 

while I sit here 

She. Not here. {Taking hold of him.) 
He. Why not here ? 
She. It wouldn't do — I can't have it. 
He. Pah ! A man is deliberately dying for your 
sake, and a paltry sense of propriety forbids you from 
oifering him your armchair to die in. Romance has 
vanished before the wand of Mrs. Grundy. Imagine 
Juliet objecting to Romeo dying in her tomb. Imag- 
ine Hamlet having to go outside to expire. But, 
very well, I will go forth into the world and take a 
taxi and drive round the square until the end. 
She. Won't that take rather long ? 
'He (taking out watch). I took the draught at 10.37. 
The effect will be fatal in from 35 to 40 minutes — 
say 1 1. 15. But why should it concern you ? You 
cannot undo what has been done. Forget me and 
be happy. (She continues to smile.) Farewell ! 
(Goes up to door and waits.) Farewell ! . . . Fare- 
well ! . . . May I ask whether or not you have any 
communication to make to me ? In about five and 
twenty minutes it will be too late. 

She. Only this. The quickness of the hand did 
not deceive the eye. You should have a few conjur- 
ing lessons before your next attempt to make any- 
body's flesh creep. It was impossible not to perceive 
that you had two little bottles in your pocket. 
He (after a pause). You noticed that ? 
She. Yes, and I also noticed that you drank from, 
the one that did not contain that stuff. It was 
apparent from your manner. , 

He. My manner ? 

She. You gave realistic imitations of most of our 
popular actors. Now, why did you do this foolish 
thing ? 

He (idiotically). I did it— I did it because I loved 



COLD POISON. 9 

you. For weeks I have been trying to devise some 
means of touching the — of touching your heart. At 
last, in the silent night, I hit on this and cried " Eure- 
ka," I should see you melted, entreating me to live 
for your sake. 

She. I should do nothing of the kind under any 
circumstances. 

He. So with that hope in my breast I showed you 

this little bottle containing poison and drank the 

Hallo ! {Rushes to where he has thrown the other bottle.) 
Great Scott ! (.4 horror-stricken expression comes over 
his face.) 

She. What's the matter ? 

He. I've drunk the wrong bottle I ! (Sinks into 
chair.) 

She (in genuine alarm and distress). You are 
poisoned ? What shall we do ? What shall we do ? 

He (faintly). I don't know. I'll do anything. 

She. Wait a minute. Let me think ! Yes, I 
have it. I remember now. The antidote. You 
must not sit there. 

He (crosses and sits in another chair). All right. 
Where shall I sit ? 

She. You mustn't sit at all. You must walk up 
and down. You must be kept constantly moving. 

Come (seizes him by the arm and marches him to 

the other end of the room) you must walk — walk. 

He. All right. I'll walk. (She flings him round 
and they cross again and so on.) 

(The scene following should be played with occasional 
pauses in the dialogue.) ,| 

She. You mustn't stop for an instant. 

He. No, I won't. 
She. Quicker. Quicker ! 

He. All right. JPause.) I say, I feel exceed- 
ingly unwell. 

She. Of course you do. You're poisoned. 

He. I know. I feel simply beastly. 



10 GOLD POISON. 

She. Don't think about it. . . . 

He. The pattern of this earpet is working itself 
into my brain. 

She. Look at the ceihng. 

He {looking at the ceiling and steppifig high). My 
legs are going round. 

She. Come on then — faster. 

He. I don't think I could go any faster. My legs 
would crumple up. 

She. Pretend it's the last lap. 

He. It is (Pause.) I say, are you sure this 

walking isn't a cure for snake-bites or som.ething 
else ? 

She. No — no. {Ttigs him round.) 

He. It's making me feel much worse. 

She. Don't despair ! 

He. Isn't drinking milk an antidote for poison- 
ing ? 

She. The milk hasn't come. 

He. I wish it had. I'm sure it would be much 
better than this. (Wails.) Why doesn't the milk- 
man come ? 

She. It's no use crying over — I mican, come on. 

He. I believe if I could only lie down I could 
sleep it off. 

She. That's fatal 

He. But my constitution requires a lot of rest. 

She (pulling him round). Dismiss the idea. For 
my sake persevere. 

He. It's all very well, but if you felt like I do- 

She (pulls him up). Only persevere and I will 
reconsider my answer. 

He. It's very good of you, but 

She. I have reconsidered it. You must live. 

He. Oh, bother living ! 

She. Continue to walk and I am yours. 

He. Oh, do let me go ! 

She. If you will only make this effort, I promise 
to marry you. 



COLD POISON. 11 

He. If you will only let me sit down, I promise 
never to trouble you again. ,i 

She. No, no. I insist on your living. 

He. I don't see what right you have to insist on 
my living. Kindly let me sit down. [Sits.) 

She. This is fatal. Come on. 

He {violently). Look here, I won't be dragged 
about the room like this. 

She, But you must be, you are too weak to resist. 

He. Am 1 ? I don't want to be rough with a 
woman, but if argument is useless, I mttst try force. 
I shan't hurt you more than necessary, but I must 
release myself. 

She {as they pull each other round and round). Oh, 
do your worst. 

He. All right then. {Gives a tug, frees himself 
and lets her go spinning round. Then sits down in the 
armchair.) I told you I should. J 

She {folding her arms). After all, it was only a 
little dose. 

He {pimping up). Only a little dose! Really, 
this is beyond endurance. {Striding up and down.) 
I tell you that it was — that is to say, it* will be an 
absolutely fatal dose. Here am I obviously dying — 
too weak to — eh ? 
. She. Why, you're cured. {Laughing.) 

He. Cured ? 

She. Otherwise you could not march up and down 
like that. The walking has cured you. Hurray 1 

He. Hurray ! Where are we ? Oh yes, you 
said that if I consented to live, you would marry me. 
You insisted on it. 

She. And you said that if you cnly sat down, you 
would never trouble me again. If I remember 
rightly, you made a point of it. 

He. I withdraw ! 

She. Too late. 

He. Is that your final answer ? 

She. It is. '{He makes a determined dash for the 



12 COLD POISON. 

door.) Where are you going ? What are you gqing 
for? 

He {grimly). More poison ! 

She. Stop ! This has gone far enough. Con- 
stant poisoning must in the end undermine the con- 
stitution. I am not a lady doctor and I cannot face 
the responsibihty of it. Come and be catechized. 
(He comes down stage.) First, will you give up drink- 
ing strong poisons in between meals ? 

He. If you ask it. 

She. Will you take a moderate amount of walk- 
ing exercise daily ? 

He. Ye-es. 

She. Will you love me in precisely the same old 
unoriginal fashion in which other men love other 
women ? 

He. I will. 

She. Then perhaps after all it will be safe for us 
to walk through life 

He. Together ? 

She. Together. 

(Walk off at curtain, or continue.) 

He. And perhaps you would like to keep one of 
these little bottles as a souvenir of our engagement 
day ? (Gives her one.) 

She. Why, there's nothing in it. 

He, No, there never was anything in either of 
them. 

She. Brute ! 

He. Darling I 

(They embrace.) 
(Curtain.) 

i 

Printed by ■B€i;ler & Tanner, Fronie and London. . 



